Over the years, I write things to myself in my Notes app on my phone. I usually speak into my phone through Siri while I’m driving. I promise I’m hands-free. I was searching for a quote from someone else in my notes today, but found this from myself written on September 8th, 2015. Close to five years ago. So here I go, quoting myself at 25. But I suppose all writers are really just quoting themselves.
“Many or perhaps most humans are or will become angry and embittered at God, a god, a creator, nature or whatever entity they think of in regards to something greater than us as human beings—they will be angry because of all the suffering, heartache, pain and horrendous acts in the world. But no matter what happens, we retain our spirit, even if no longer in human form. We'll never lose it, I think. Perhaps we may change form in some way.
Perhaps this human life we lead is merely fleeting. Perhaps there's so much more that we can't grasp or comprehend. Or maybe we can (or atleast come closer) if we come to some realization or revelation and if we try to see it. When you think about it, our life feels so long but also incredibly short. You look back in your mind and try to remember and envision moments, and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, but it was 20 years ago or 40 or 75. It’s weird how the mind works.
Maybe that's why the suffering and pain is okay. Because it’s fleeting. Maybe it’s not welcomed or necessarily enjoyed, but there's always more to come...in spirit. New life, new experiences, or maybe something that isn't even referred to as life...just being, existing, embodying some other form or perhaps embodying something undefinable. Our spirit transcends anything this human body physically experiences. Maybe or perhaps certainly the spirit is what forms the connection between every other living, existing entity.
I'm reading an autobiographical account of someone who experienced the Holocaust. He has grown increasingly angry at God and is questioning if there is a God. He feels stronger than whatever God there might be. I don't know how the book will end or what he will conclude. However, I know it’s cliche to say, but: without pain, suffering and confusion, there would be no real beauty, love and compassion. I believe that. I think it's about harnessing this spirit within us, connecting with all things, transcending the realm of mere human experience and being open and vulnerable to something boldly incomprehensible to the human experience.”
The Coronavirus has overtaken the world at the time of this post, and somehow I thought this might relate to how we’re all feeling. Maybe, just maybe.